Bangkok/ All good things come to an end

After 4 months of travel-fun in Thailand, Goa and Bali this journey was to come to an end for now. 

My last days I spent in Bangkok and oh my, what a reality check a big city can be! Since I have been spending the past months somewhere inbetween the beach, the jungle and dusty bumpy roads, the city came on quite strong. But wow, I love to get sucked in and lost in the chaotic mess of a big city once in a while. Bigger, louder, faster...

Bangkok to me is like a filthy whore. Dirty, smelly and trying to charge you for every step you take. There is some charm to it though, the street food is incredible, street art is cool and the young kids are some stylish fucks, too. If I wasn´t sometimes too shy to take pictures of other people  I would have loved to take photographs of all those fashion rocknrollers.

Usually I´m not to keen on tourist attractions. Of course, I went to some of the temples etc but to me exploring the city on my own is much more fun and even more culturally educating then going on a tourbus and hopping off at all those places the lonely planet calls „worth seing“. To me, travelling like this is just the way to go. Cut the tourist crap, eat some street food (get sick eventually haha), make local friends and ride the local busses, try to pick up some language. Not going the safe way is so much more fun and gives you authentic experiences. Why settle down for the artificial safe version when you can have the real deal?

So everything I did basically was walking around for miles and miles, looking at some street art, taking heaps of photos and soaking it all in. (So did my shirt. Went out white, came back home grey!)

Our mind; A burdon & a gift

In the past week there has been a storm coming up in the andaman sea due to monsoon season. The eastern part of Thailand wasn´t to be spared from the storm so we had heavy thunderstorms for the whole past week. I could find some magical beauty in this wild weather though, since it was nice and sunny all day and right on time in the afternoon the storms would come up, almoust predictably at 4 pm every day. Lightning and heavy rain are super cosy when sitting close to the beach or hiding in the jungle bungalow. I´ve always been a lover of thunderstorms and experiencing them in the jungle and close to the ocean is overwhelmingly beautiful. It shows you how strong nature really is. The turqouise ocean turns into deep black, the clear air turns into a wild and rainy shower from one second to another. Observing nature getting wild in this paradise-like scenery has something peaceful and overwhelming to it for sure.

Lately I have been getting back into my yoga practice and working on staying present instead of letting my mind drift back into the past or dreaming towards the future (not an easy thing to do for a dreamer like me). Obviously being fully present is the main „goal“ of meditation (oops I know, a real Yogi doesn´t talk about achieving something or setting goals but only focuses on their personal physical and mental edge without any judgement and expectation. so forgive me, dear yoga-community, I guess I wont get an A on this test) but instead of meditation I prefer to integrate this into my everyday life. Meaning, whenever my mind would drift off into stories, memories (past) and wishes/longings (future) I´d either observe my mind and let it flow wherever it wants to go without attaching to its thoughts too much, or shut it up as soon as I become aware of it starting to ramble. (It´s funny how our mind seems to have an opinion about everything)

I find it helpful to visualize my mind as a constantly growing tree. Be aware of your roots, grounded in the earth. Your thoughts are to be visualized as the trees branches, whenever those branches start to grow again, cut them down before they manifest into an uncontrollable jungle.

Once you become aware of the fact that most of the time your mind is building its own reality and telling you what you can and cannot do you will find yourself realizing that most of your alleged limitations are made up by your own mind. You will be suprised how your perspective changes once you turn it around and shut your mind up. Silence, relaxation and a full choice of opportunities will come your way, go and try yourself!

Light it up, inhale, lay back down, exhale, relax.

Stay sexy, lovers!

Attachment- Detachment

Eh kids, be alert. This will be a little bit of an emo-read. You wont find my usual cynicism to lighten it up in here so if you haven´t even had breakfast yet this might be a bit heavy :). 

Love. Sometimes she´s a snake biting you in the ass, sometimes she´s a goddess filling you with purity and bliss. She is never indecisive, she is always all the way. She may take your sanity, your ability to be rational and clear-minded. She may make you want to smash your fist against a concrete wall as hard as you can and she may make you want to coma out on pharmaceuticals just to have some piece and quiet. She may make you want to put food on top of your pain or choke your throat denying to eat at all. She may put the biggest child-like smile on your face and fill you with energy and lightness you never knew before. She may make you feel helpless and lost, she may make you also feel safe and calm in the most comforting way. She may make you need more and more, she may make you feel humbled and at piece. She may break you and she WILL fix you. Whatever the case is, she´s definately doing something to you. There will be no emptyness when she´s around. She may come around in a second or she may take her time and sneak in slowly.

All that doesn´t matter because it´s always her. The same thing we all strive for at the end of the day.

There is people who shut down, closed them selfes off, telling themselfes to not care because they are not capable to put any energy into actually feeling something at their state. There is needy people chasing it as their nurturing source of feeling themselfes, in search for love from any other person to filll their emptyness inside. De facto we´re all different kinds of shades of fucked up in a way, that´s just what the sweet little bitch called life does to us and it´s okay. We´ve been hurt and broken, and we will be again, many times. Inbetween we´ll also be recieving the gift of a beauty there is no words for. ( Well, there is, but this is already cheesy enough so I´ll not make this any worse in being literal about this haha).

A healthy open heart is rare but something we all should pursue to develope.

Our deepest and essential need is to connect, right? For someone who feels generally disconnected and misunderstood  (boohoo...) it´s something that doesn´t come around too often and if it does, you´d hold on to it and worship it, even if it´s time to let it go.

Unatached love is the key, that´s what the enlightened one says at least. I´m not sure if I believe in it but I guess being aware but not atached to your emotions definately is something to put on the to-do-list at least. 

( The one, „when I grow up then...“)

I haven´t been writing for quite some time but there was just no moment I felt like it. I spent my last 6 weeks in Bali, most of the time in the surf-spot Uluwatu/Padang Padang. I enjoyed it a lot, today it was time to leave back to Thailand though. Thanks Bali and all you great people I have met, I had heaps of fun with ya´ll. I´m sure I´ll be back so this is not goodbye but see you sometime soon.

PS: I miss the scooter insanity already. The rule is no rules except for the one: go as fast as possible and horn every other second. (Sorry mum) I got to drive like crazy without any consequences because it´s the way it goes, survival of the fittest on the dirty & bumpy roads of Bali <3.  

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke