Maybe, Baby

Possibilities, possibilities...let go of all of them.

They are everywhere. Every person you meet is your potential new friend or lover. Every thing you see might be your potential new possession. Every place you hear of is your potential new destination. All those people could be your potential new friends and lovers. All those things you see could be your potential new possessions. All those places could be your potential new destinations. But really? It´s like there is too many trees to actually see the forest, right?

It´s an amazing gift for our generation (at least for us blessed kids living in 1^st world countries) to have almost all the opportunities out there in our hands. We can become anything we want, is it a lawyer, is it a carpenter, is it an artist? We can go everywhere we want to go to (time and money always can be managed if you really want to and are willing to work hard) …. In fact, so many doors are potentially possible to be opened, but with that gift and freedom comes a burden also- How to chose? How not to get lost in all those possibilities?

I know this sounds like a spoiled brat „oh my gaaawd I could have anything I want because money just totally is not a problem and I could go anywhere because, oh boy, who needs to go to university or have a job“ – Just to be clear: That´s totally not what I mean and it´s definatley not realistic nor true, but you guys are smart and know what I´m trying to say here, right?

Our grandparents had to fight for everything they wanted to become and/or have. Some of them even could not chose their significant other (I know many can´t today either but I´m talking 1^st world luxury problems here). 2-3 generations back, going to foreign countries or deciding on their dream job was a far away dream maybe, the problems they had were much more within reach and in front of them caused mainly by political circumstances. Us in contrast, we have to find our way through the jungle of possibilities and alleged options. Everything happens so quickly, doesn´t last long and is replaceable.

Isn´t it just easier to buy a new lamp instead of fixing it yourself? Isn´t it just easier to break up with your boy/girlfriend instead of working on the relationship and try harder to make it last? Isn´t it just easier to leave and go somewhere else?

I´m not saying I do any of those things and I´m not saying, I don´t. I`m just letting my mind flow and talk about something that definately is reality for many of us. Us, The 80ies and 90ies kids. The maybe-generation. (oh lord, the maybes are a totally different subject I´m not even getting started on it. Just eliminate ALL maybes. They are pure poison and leave you with nothing. Say yes and say no. that´s it!) Keep on dreaming though. Actually, keep all the maybes! Oh well. Maybe the maybes should be kept anyway, maybe. ha.

So I´m suggesting: Let go of all those possibilities and see whats actually in front of you and inside you. Anything in there? Hello?

When I was traveling for example, I got into this mode at some point close to the end of my journey, where I thought I wasn´t fulfilled and was looking for more. More stimulation, just more of anything, just something different... searching and searching, all those opportunities... Where to go and who to go with... I just wanted to leave this place and go somewhere else. Silly me. Because looking for something else on the outside must be changing everything inside, right? ;)

It drove me insane and at the end of the day I got humbled by the ocean and figured: Sometimes, actually most of the time, it´s better to not take all this too seriously because then you´re focusing on everything you COULD be and COULD have, instead of being aware of the reality and being right in this moment right in this place right in this state of mind. Truly present. Being present is a present. Words are funny.

That doens´t mean that we should not change something if it doens´t make us happy. Fucking break up with her/him if it´s not right, fucking leave if this place doesn´t give you what you need, fucking change your habits and point of views if you don´t like who you are. But don´t get carried away with all those potential options. Its like stock market. Its potentially there, but it actually is not real, its temptation, distracting you from right this moment you could actually enjoy and make the most of.

Pardon my french btw. Long story short: If it seems like there is too much of everything, limit it down and you will have more to yourself and to share!

A quote from one of my favorite films ever, “Mr. Nobody” (Jaret Leto please marry me and make me a dozen of babies):

“We cannot go back. That´s why it´s so hard to choose. As long as we don´t choose, everything remains possible.” Dear Mr. Nobody, you are damn right. But really, are you right though?

Amen. Shalom. Chill on lovers.

Minimalizing

When I returned to my appartement in Vienna, unpacking my things and putting all that stuff in order that I put away when I left 4 months ago (and when I say „all that stuff“ I really do mean a ridiculous amount of stuff), I was overwhelmed by all those belongings and possessions and also I got to the conclusion that I might have suffered from serious compulsive hoarding disorder. ;)

I was living out of a 60 liter backpack for quite some time and more than happy with it, there was nothing that I was even missing. When it comes down to it, I don´t really need anything, that´s one of the most humbling and freeing realizations I have had in a long time.
When I saw all those things (a million different make up utensils, tons of clothes that would probably be enough to dress a whole class room, a ridiculous amount of books, electronic devices and other things that were just taking up space and not even being used most of the time) I started asking myself:

„What value does each one of those things actually add to my life?“ - The answer to that was me giving up 4 sacks of clothes for donation, throwing everything out that was not functioning as a tool in any way or giving some sort of aestetic value.

Every possesion we have should serve a certain purpose and/or bring us joy. It´s that easy. Everything else has to go. It´s unbelievable how we hold on to things, because we are afraid to get rid of them. („I really need this or might need it sometime in the future“) I´m not even starting to get into the whole fear-of-loss thing but you know where this is going...

Fear is the antithesis to freedom. Holding on to things you think you need will actually turn into those things owning you. Minimalizing everything I own felt really good and I will start asking myself now more often „does this add value to my life?“, no matter if its that dress, that friendship/relationship or that chocolate bar. 

- a chocolate bar ALWAYS adds value to your life though, this is obviously just a rethorical question in that case. :)

Home is where what is?

„We are young, so lets set the world on fire, we can burn brighter, then the sun“ is playing on the radio, smell of fresh hay is in the air and the sun is shining hot and steady. Sweet countryside.

I am sitting under an oak tree, smoking lady cigarillos and wearing a flowery dress whilst reading Herrmann Hesses Poetry.

Okay, this is a complete lie.

I am sitting outside my parents house, looking through tons of photos I took the past year and wallow in memories (I do wear a flowery dress though).

It´s been a long time since I have been at my parents place and everytime I am here- wich is not exactly more then once a year- I feel a bit nostalgic. I can´t help but surrender to all those dreams and ideas I had when I was living here as a little girl. Sometimes I think I lost her somewhere down the road but everytime I am here, I remember that girl well, sitting in mum´s strawberry field, day dreaming, skimming through GEO traveller, thinking about travelling the world and breaking away from hillbilly life.

Breaking away. Breaking rules, hearts, cars. So I did. Started travelling young and always wanted to go again ever since.

Now I am back here, appreciating this place where the clock seems to move slower so much more, but still having ants in my pants and a heart on fire wishing to grab my backpack and go back on the road.

Some things truly just never change.

(Those photos are just cheap cellphone snaps. Sorry.)

Bangkok/ All good things come to an end

After 4 months of travel-fun in Thailand, Goa and Bali this journey was to come to an end for now. 

My last days I spent in Bangkok and oh my, what a reality check a big city can be! Since I have been spending the past months somewhere inbetween the beach, the jungle and dusty bumpy roads, the city came on quite strong. But wow, I love to get sucked in and lost in the chaotic mess of a big city once in a while. Bigger, louder, faster...

Bangkok to me is like a filthy whore. Dirty, smelly and trying to charge you for every step you take. There is some charm to it though, the street food is incredible, street art is cool and the young kids are some stylish fucks, too. If I wasn´t sometimes too shy to take pictures of other people  I would have loved to take photographs of all those fashion rocknrollers.

Usually I´m not to keen on tourist attractions. Of course, I went to some of the temples etc but to me exploring the city on my own is much more fun and even more culturally educating then going on a tourbus and hopping off at all those places the lonely planet calls „worth seing“. To me, travelling like this is just the way to go. Cut the tourist crap, eat some street food (get sick eventually haha), make local friends and ride the local busses, try to pick up some language. Not going the safe way is so much more fun and gives you authentic experiences. Why settle down for the artificial safe version when you can have the real deal?

So everything I did basically was walking around for miles and miles, looking at some street art, taking heaps of photos and soaking it all in. (So did my shirt. Went out white, came back home grey!)

Our mind; A burdon & a gift

In the past week there has been a storm coming up in the andaman sea due to monsoon season. The eastern part of Thailand wasn´t to be spared from the storm so we had heavy thunderstorms for the whole past week. I could find some magical beauty in this wild weather though, since it was nice and sunny all day and right on time in the afternoon the storms would come up, almoust predictably at 4 pm every day. Lightning and heavy rain are super cosy when sitting close to the beach or hiding in the jungle bungalow. I´ve always been a lover of thunderstorms and experiencing them in the jungle and close to the ocean is overwhelmingly beautiful. It shows you how strong nature really is. The turqouise ocean turns into deep black, the clear air turns into a wild and rainy shower from one second to another. Observing nature getting wild in this paradise-like scenery has something peaceful and overwhelming to it for sure.

Lately I have been getting back into my yoga practice and working on staying present instead of letting my mind drift back into the past or dreaming towards the future (not an easy thing to do for a dreamer like me). Obviously being fully present is the main „goal“ of meditation (oops I know, a real Yogi doesn´t talk about achieving something or setting goals but only focuses on their personal physical and mental edge without any judgement and expectation. so forgive me, dear yoga-community, I guess I wont get an A on this test) but instead of meditation I prefer to integrate this into my everyday life. Meaning, whenever my mind would drift off into stories, memories (past) and wishes/longings (future) I´d either observe my mind and let it flow wherever it wants to go without attaching to its thoughts too much, or shut it up as soon as I become aware of it starting to ramble. (It´s funny how our mind seems to have an opinion about everything)

I find it helpful to visualize my mind as a constantly growing tree. Be aware of your roots, grounded in the earth. Your thoughts are to be visualized as the trees branches, whenever those branches start to grow again, cut them down before they manifest into an uncontrollable jungle.

Once you become aware of the fact that most of the time your mind is building its own reality and telling you what you can and cannot do you will find yourself realizing that most of your alleged limitations are made up by your own mind. You will be suprised how your perspective changes once you turn it around and shut your mind up. Silence, relaxation and a full choice of opportunities will come your way, go and try yourself!

Light it up, inhale, lay back down, exhale, relax.

Stay sexy, lovers!

Attachment- Detachment

Eh kids, be alert. This will be a little bit of an emo-read. You wont find my usual cynicism to lighten it up in here so if you haven´t even had breakfast yet this might be a bit heavy :). 

Love. Sometimes she´s a snake biting you in the ass, sometimes she´s a goddess filling you with purity and bliss. She is never indecisive, she is always all the way. She may take your sanity, your ability to be rational and clear-minded. She may make you want to smash your fist against a concrete wall as hard as you can and she may make you want to coma out on pharmaceuticals just to have some piece and quiet. She may make you want to put food on top of your pain or choke your throat denying to eat at all. She may put the biggest child-like smile on your face and fill you with energy and lightness you never knew before. She may make you feel helpless and lost, she may make you also feel safe and calm in the most comforting way. She may make you need more and more, she may make you feel humbled and at piece. She may break you and she WILL fix you. Whatever the case is, she´s definately doing something to you. There will be no emptyness when she´s around. She may come around in a second or she may take her time and sneak in slowly.

All that doesn´t matter because it´s always her. The same thing we all strive for at the end of the day.

There is people who shut down, closed them selfes off, telling themselfes to not care because they are not capable to put any energy into actually feeling something at their state. There is needy people chasing it as their nurturing source of feeling themselfes, in search for love from any other person to filll their emptyness inside. De facto we´re all different kinds of shades of fucked up in a way, that´s just what the sweet little bitch called life does to us and it´s okay. We´ve been hurt and broken, and we will be again, many times. Inbetween we´ll also be recieving the gift of a beauty there is no words for. ( Well, there is, but this is already cheesy enough so I´ll not make this any worse in being literal about this haha).

A healthy open heart is rare but something we all should pursue to develope.

Our deepest and essential need is to connect, right? For someone who feels generally disconnected and misunderstood  (boohoo...) it´s something that doesn´t come around too often and if it does, you´d hold on to it and worship it, even if it´s time to let it go.

Unatached love is the key, that´s what the enlightened one says at least. I´m not sure if I believe in it but I guess being aware but not atached to your emotions definately is something to put on the to-do-list at least. 

( The one, „when I grow up then...“)

I haven´t been writing for quite some time but there was just no moment I felt like it. I spent my last 6 weeks in Bali, most of the time in the surf-spot Uluwatu/Padang Padang. I enjoyed it a lot, today it was time to leave back to Thailand though. Thanks Bali and all you great people I have met, I had heaps of fun with ya´ll. I´m sure I´ll be back so this is not goodbye but see you sometime soon.

PS: I miss the scooter insanity already. The rule is no rules except for the one: go as fast as possible and horn every other second. (Sorry mum) I got to drive like crazy without any consequences because it´s the way it goes, survival of the fittest on the dirty & bumpy roads of Bali <3.  

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

Food P**rn/ Body Treatments

Asia is a rather spiritual place. Bringing the essential three  (body, mind, soul) /careful here, should I say the four (body, mind, soul, spirit) in balance, is nowhere as easily attempted (plus now and then succeeded) as here, since the birthcountries of Yoga, Ayurvedha, Meditation etc. are all in Asia where I have been travelling in on and off the past year.

I have been really enjoying to focus on experiencing how it feels to treat the body well regarding in what foods it takes in, indulging in traditional massage- and body treatments in one of the many blissfull spas and whitness the effects, this physical pampering has on the whole well-being, in body and in spirit.

Alert- eco-hipster-phrase: „My body is my temple“ actually IS a mantra worth striving for.

Since I´m a sucker for food (Yes, I actually stare at food sometimes like a starved kid from the 3^rd world country) I couldn´t help myself and had to take pictures of most of the meals I had so far (lucky you, I´m not on instagram joining the horribly anoying look-what-I-had-for-lunch-today cult).

Here are a couple of impressions of the menus I have come across here in Bali so far, easily done at home too, btw.:

• raw almond, fig, banana, raw cacao, flax oat soymilkshake
• cucumber, babyspinach, papaya, honey & fresh coconut water shake
• lavender water (spring water with organic lavender aroma)
• ginger, aloe vera, lime, honey, mint + soda
• babyspinach salad with beet, carrot, green onion, tofu, crispy tempe, freshky grilled seeds, with tahini dressing
• fresh fish (mostly barracuda, red snapper) in traditional balinese marinade with local vegetables and rice (sounds simple, is the most delightful barbercue you could ever imagine)

I have been trying a couple of different spa treatments- as they vary in quality (trained staff etc) and in facility (hygiene, flower decoration, service) they offer wonderful treatments, listen to this and try to stay calm:

• Traditional indonesian body treatment, famous javanese lulur: From secret traditional recipes from the ancient Javanese, a blend of turmeric, ginger and other spices are rubbed on the whole body to exfoliate the skin, followed by milk moisturizer, a favorite amoung the locals.“
• Bamboo treatment: „Warm bamboo treatment combination with Balinese, Lomi-Lomi & Herbal massage techniques, this deeply relaxing massage treatment will promote wellbeing, relieve stress, tension, simulate blood circulation and provide an unbelievable relaxing spa experience.“
• Hot Stone massage: It is a speciality massage that uses smooth, heated stones. They are often basalt, a black volcanic rock that absorbs and retains heat well. It is a deeply soothing, relaxing massage. The heat helps tight muscles release.“

Before you go plunder your fridge now, here a some impressions. Kiss on the lips, farewell.