Yoga/ Spirituality does not equal Esoterism Part I

Five years ago I broke up with my boyfriend, went to Rishikesh and explored the practice of Yoga. It changed my life. Ever since I am totally in sync with my inner goddess, I feel enlightened and also I am a vegan chick that frequently attends PETA demonstrations. I wear a crystal stone necklace that has been given to me by my guru after a meditation ceremony at the Ganges River, but mostly so everybody can see what a hippie I am.

Insert alarm bells. That´s a complete lie. THANK GOD.

Wow, you are still here reading this? Thanks, that means you are aware of the fact that yoga doesn´t only apply to the stereotyped spiritual or wannabe-spiritual person in a midlife crisis, but to any individual kind of person who is seeking for a deep physical and spiritual practice. Spirituality does not nessecarily equal esoterism.

I have been practising yoga for five years and I love it. I love it for so many reasons and I want to dedicate a little time to talk about it because I feel like even though Yoga has become well-known in western countries ages ago and has gotten super hip since people started waking up and engaging in a holistic approach to their lifestyle, there are still many stereotypes and prejudices against it that I´m not d´accord with.

Yoga-practice is scientifically proven beneficial on so many levels from healing physical injuries to reduce physical and emotional stress, building strength and flexibility, it helps you get a fit and healthy body to not only look good but actually rejuvenate your whole system from blood-cells to your organs, strenghen your muskles and joints, and the list continues... Furthermore it is a key-practice to spiritual growth.

I personally do have an issue with concentrating on stuff and having a constantly ongoing mind and tend to over-think, so Yoga helps me to shut off my mind completely and just be with the practice, feel my body and be totally present with a quiet mind. No Ritalin required. Whenever I feel stressed, imbalanced or moody I go to class and it works its magic, every single time. (Okay, sometimes I have a chocolate bar instead, it works its magic too, right on my spare tyre).

There are many different styles and they are all great. I have come to focus on Vinyasa Flow, Ashtanga and Bikram since they just make me feel the best and fit me the most.

I enjoy doing different styles because they work on different parts of the body and mind. So Vinyasa helps me keep a relaxed mind and helps me decompress, Bikram on the other hand supports my focus and ambition on things and satisfies my need for physical exertion.

Vinyasa is more of a gentle kind and once the training is done I feel totally relaxed and strong at the same time, at peace and humbled. Bikram though is like military-boot-camp. First time I went to a Bikram class I just wanted to die and actually had to throw up. In my case the instructor would be an american super hot and ridiculously tough and rigorous chick that will scream at you as soon as you´d even start to think about not flexing your toes perfectly while your leg is somewhere up there, sweat is dripping down your nose and your standing leg is shaking like it will break any second. Once you have gotten through the class though you feel the rejuvinating effect kicking in instantly and can be proud of yourself for not being a lazy bum also. It´s like sweet hell and you´ll hate or you´ll love it.

When I was travelling in Asia I was practising almost everyday for 1.5 up to 4 hours a day (except for that time in Thailand when I strained my ankle and Bali got me a little distracted at times also...). I could feel how I have gotten more and more in tune with the practice and it felt amazing to see and feel how the body reacts and improves day by day. I guess that´s another part about Yoga that I love. It´s not about mastering the most crazy postures imediately but about your individual healing and strengthening progress, it doesn´t matter if it takes months and years for you to bring your hands to the floor or master a headstand because the practice itself, the commitment and the discipline is what it´s about. I´m fully aware that I´m not the fittest, strongest or most flexible Yogi but it doesn´t matter because I feel the progress my body is making step by step and the effect I get out of it on an emotional and spiritual level and that itself is amazing to me.

So yes. Yoga is awesome and it definitely doesn´t have to be seen as either some weird hippie shit or as a strict spiritual doctrine that one has to follow. I enjoy Yoga, I enjoy eating healthy and taking care of myself and I do focus on spiritual growth but I also enjoy going to techno parties, sometimes look like a girlie girl and have a steak. Generalizing and strict ideas about something/someone never apply. :)

There will be a second part following up soon, that will be a bit more specific about the practices so stay tuned.

I will go light an inscent now. Ohm shanti shanti. Just kidding. Will light something else though. Uuupward facing dog, dooownward facing daawg... XX

Be careful what you wish for

In my latest blog I was writing about how to not always know what we want, so in this blog I am going to talk about something that´s quite the opposite- and that is our desires. Desire is the strongest energy that drives us. It is our vital life force so if there is no desire, there is nothing but stagnation. To put it at its simplest: Desire is the active process of living, it´s our evolutionary impulse. Desire comes in a wide variety of different natures, pooled in three different types, I would say: sexual desire, emotional desire and materialistic desire.

The top-line motivation for all our desires is one simple thing- the pursuit of happiness. At the end of the day everybody just wants to be happy. Simple as that. Right? Right. Buddhist and Hindu practices have been talking about desire as a thing we should overcome, because that´s the thing that causes us our suffering. Actually though desire has to be in our system for us to move forward, otherwise we would not be on an evolutionary path (and life would be so darn boring, too. Cheers to hedonism.) Desire just has this bad rep because we think it is only object-seeking and as I said before because it´s causing us pain, but if you look at it from another angle it´s obviously only causing us pain once we have hopped on the wheel of hope and fear and went for the dependend relationship between our inner self and the desires we have. Like they magically have to make us happy and nurture that longing. 

So Tantra and eastern philosphy say there is a whole topic of how to actually not go for satisfaction of that desire, but learn how to just be with it instead. Apparently we will come to realize that it´s the sensation of the desire itself that´s nourishing that hunger inside us, not the actual satisfaction of the desire. In that case the idea would be to separate the impulse of desire from the idea of that we have to have the object of desire and therefore kill the ignition. Also, to separate the symbol (I want the money, I want the relationship, I want the plane ticket to Bali) from the deeper underlying wish (I want to be happy, I want to be fulfilled). I guess it´s like the moment before that first kiss. It´s the moment when ignition start burning up inside you and you know it will take you somewhere. I´m not going deeper into this though because it would just break the mould for now and also I honestly am not at that point yet that I would have internalized this fully. Not all all, actually for now I am all for just going for it!

We act on our desires individually, to put it the buddhist way there is three different ways we approach our desire: Passion, aggression and ignorance. So passion obviously would be to go for it, grab it and own it, aggression would manifest itself through demonizing the object/person/idea of desire and pushing that thing/person/idea away and last but not least ignorance would appear by being unclear and not actually really knowing what you want respectively staying passive and not pursuing it. (Something/Someone better could come along, right? What if I get hurt or don´t even want it any more once I have it?) Desire is nothing we decide ourself, it´s something that takes us, it just happens in us. So we can either follow it (passion), turn it down (aggression) or not be able to decide (ignorance).

Ok so there is more, obviously it´s not that easy. We do have competing desires. There are unconscious shadow desires running in our lives in opposite to those tangible and conscious desires, and those are the ones getting in our way. We actually have a whole other matrix of unconscious desires operating from outside our awareness distracting and misleading us from that golden thread.

We are always being driven by desire and we are always in alignment with our desire, but we don´t always consciously know what our desire is, actually. Our lives are mostly the way they are because our desire had them be that way. True story. How can that be, right? What kind of an idiot would say that, since obviously so many things in our lives are totally not the way we want them to be...grouch grouch, meh. Well, you can send your fuck-you card to your competing desire. They come up all over the place, so when you have two or more desires (most of the time they tend to be radically contrary) the most powerful desire wins.

I will try to get more eidetic and give you a true-to-live-example:

For me personally there is on the one hand the desire to be out there in the world, participate, engage and connect, and then there is a competing desire sometimes also to basically live like a hermit in total silence and total disconnection from the world. They seem to be competing in the beginning, but once they have found their own voice, they will get much more cooperative with each other and sometimes the dynamic tension is not as tense as we think and sometimes they actually can co-exist next to each other very well and can hybrid with each other.

Another competing desire of mine is the wish for a nourishing , caring and loving relationship and on the other side the wish for independence, freedom and travelling. They seem to be competing and contrary also, but even that can be managed – that person just has to have similar desires so they can hybrid naturally and be then beneficial for both. (Talking theoretically here, if you find him, ring a bell. haha)
Also I think it´s question of what type of character you are. I personally have to have these polarities in my life, that´s how I function, it´s in my nature to live in extremes and that´s probably why many of those desires that seem to be competing and paradox actually still can coexist peacefully next to each other, because the one desire feeds the other and the other way around.

If there are competing desires that cannot co-exist, it seems like it´s causing issues for us. In order to suss that out we have to be dead-honest with ourselfes and find out what´s our topline desire. (Blue pill or red pill?)

Your topline desire is the biggest thing you can think of. That something you stand for in life, that something that seem to be the key to your own happiness. (is it love and relationship? Is it tranquillity and peace? Is it absolute non-attachment and freedom?) If you have got that figured out and not have gotten fooled by some other subliminal and/or unconscious desires, it will help you guide you through competing desires.

So how do we do that? Let them be there for some time, hold them and be aware of them without trying to suppress the tension they are causing and then listen to your inner you and eliminate all those (false or contrary) desires that mislead you from that one big desire that drives you, that is your elementary life force. So once you found clarity about your main desire, you will come to see what other desires are holding you back from it and preventing you from getting closer to it. It can be seen  as a filter-mechanism, once your topline desire is clear, you can put your energy towards that topline desire and not get distracted from all those other desires. That can be done by bringing your subliminal desires to consciousness and then understand how they operate and how they drive your decisions, fears and longings. Also it might be a good start to just accept that there will always be some paradoxical energy of competing desires and their dynamic tension will always be there. That´s theoretically too though, because it´s easier said then done of course.

I will go for a cup of tea now, desire and satisfaction, easy.

Yes, no, maybe, I don´t know

In western society we are always expected to know exactly what we want. Which ice-cream flavour we like, what social scene we feel related to, what job we want, what goals and believes we want to pursue, you name it. If we can´t answer those and similar questions, it equals weakness and lack of character. (That especially applies to the ice-cream question, of course.)

As soon as you cross that bridge into your twenties, society expects you to know who you are, what you want and where you see yourself in 10 years. Literally. (That also makes Christmas at grandma´s as a single without an exact on-paper future plan for the next 10 years super fun.)

It´s perfectly human to pursue fulfillment and happyness, wonder about our own existence and purpose in life, true to the philosophical questions of life “ Who am I and if so, how many?” (Ouch, R. D. Precht sounds like an over used motivational tumblr quote now) but it´s also perfectly human to not have a paper-perfect answer right away, but we get frustrated with ourselves when we realize there is still some unclear business we stumble over during that crazy little thing called “growing up”. We are being constantly compared to our fellow students, colleagues, siblings and the girls/guys next to us. I´m going to say something that will sound like a Katy Perry song and you might want to throw up a little in your mouth, but anyway, here it goes: Don´t you ever compare yourself to someone else, because it´s like trying to fit a triangle into a circle. You are X, therefore you are not Y. Sheep flocks suck anyway. Except for actual sheeps. End of story.

Since it´s in my nature to always dig a little deeper and aspire I most of the time actually know what I want and what direction I want to follow, but there are of course still some blank papers and unanswered questions. Only like a million. Duh. So lately I came to appreciate the obscurities though. I´m even a firm believer that the twenties are there to teach us what we actually don´t want, don´t like, don´t want to be and don´t agree on. It´s a process of culling. So pick up that spade and don´t be afraid to find a lot of bullshit you feel like throwing out. You will find some gold below. Probably. 

May it be that ex- girl/boyfriend that taught you what kind of person you do not want to be with, may it be that job that teaches you what you definitely do not want to be spending your time with working on, or may it be that city you´re living in that you do not want to make your long-term home.

Knowing exactly what you don´t want helps you create space for everything you actually do want. It´s like throwing out trash before buying something new. 

Take it easy babes and don´t forget to take out the trash. xx